1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They’ve found me!"
and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer
is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can’t get the
dang thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it
off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it’s set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don’t know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chain saw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case…" mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a
while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about
your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they’re crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a
spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a
disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you
press Return and there is processing time required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out
with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them,
but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you’re sitting
in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
whenever there is processing time required.
21. Draw a picture of
a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to
seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women
(men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn’t work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at
the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while,
spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the
screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grinds
some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person
enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far
more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long
hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit
them on your neighbor’s keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29. Come to the lab
wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of
the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the
monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on
plastic.
30. Take the keyboard
and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to
the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical
note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp,
etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire
paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse.
35. Borrow someone
else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow
this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise
of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your
neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn’t
affected). Then look at your neighbor’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete
key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask:
"Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the
space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you’ve deleted about
a page of your neighbor’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well,
whaddya know? I’ve been hitting the space bar this whole time. No
wonder it wasn’t deleting! Ha!"
Print out your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk
from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that
your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer’s
Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41. Stare at the
person’s next to your’s screen, look really puzzled, burst out
laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing,grab your stuff
and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the
screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand
gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back
and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to
the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start
to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who’s online.
Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you’ve known
them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out
you’re a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost.
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.
47. Come into the
computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your
hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim
"You’re such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every
sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug
your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49. Quietly walk into
the computer lab with a Black and Decker chain saw, rev that baby up,
and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer
or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
Words like "fallout", "academy", "gym class", "cobra" etc. remind you